1) Abandonment
- Safety felt inconsistent - Love felt uncertain - Loss felt familiar
As a child: - You learned people leave, emotionally or physically.
As an adult: - You cling, overgive, detach, or leave first.
Truth: - Your nervous system learned closeness isn't stable.
Buddhist Angle: - Attachment forms when the mind tries to control impermanence.
Action to take: - Pause before chasing or withdrawing, and notice the fear underneath.
2) Emotional neglect
- Your Inner world went unseen - You learned to self-soothe too early - Needs felt inconvenient
As a child: - Your emotions weren't mirrored or validated.
As an adult: - You struggle to ask for help and feel lonely with others.
Truth: You never learned your feelings mattered.
Buddhist Angle: -Ignoring inner experience creates suffering through disconnection.
Action to take: -Practice naming what you feel before minimizing it.
3) Conditional Love
- Love depended on behavior - Approval was earned - Mistakes felt unsafe
As a child: - You were loved more when you performed of behaved.
As an adult: - You people-please, overwork, and fear disappointing others.
Truth: - You learned love had to be deserved.
Buddhist Angle: - Clinging to identity strengthens suffering.
Action to take: -Notice where you overperform to feel worthy and gently stop.
4) Chaos or instability
- Home felt unpredictable - Calm felt unfamiliar - Alertness became normal
As a child: - You stayed ready for emotional shifts.
As an adult: - You confuse intensity with connection and boredom with peace.
Truth: - Your body learned chaos as "normal"
Buddhist Angle: - The mind seeks familiarity, not peace.
Action to take: - Sit with calm without abandoning it for stimulation.
5) Criticism or shame
- Mistakes felt dangerous - You learned to self-monitor - Support was limited
As a child: - You were corrected more than encouraged.
As an adult: - You overthink, chase perfection, and never feel enough.
Truth: - That inner voice isn't motivation, it's memory.
Buddhist Angle: - Harsh self-judgment strengthens ego and suffering.
Action to take: - Interrupt the inner critic by questioning where it came from.
6) Emotional enmeshment ( a relationship pattern where personal boundaries blur)
- You carried adult emotions - You became the fixer - Your needs came last
As a child: - You took responsibilty before you were ready.
As an adult: - You attract emotionally unavailable people and struggle with boundaries.
Truth: You learned love meant losing yourself.
Buddhist Angle: - Compassion without wisdom becomes self-abandoment.
Action to take: - Practice saying no without explaining or apologizing.
7) Lack of safety
- Protection was missing - Hypervigilance became normal - Risk felt risky
As a child: You didn't feel fully safe
As an adult: - You struggle to relax, trust, or soften.
Truth: Your nervous system never learned safety.
Buddhist Angle: - Peace arises when the body rests in the present.
Action to take: - Slow your body down before trying to change your mind.
Trust me when I say this, you're not broken.
You're patterned.
And patterns can be seen and released.
Awareness ends repetition. Choose awareness over self-blame. And stop passing it forward.
Every. Single. Time.
Mindfullnesskris
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