In my work, I found there are two types of
intimacy avoidance which sabotage
people's love lives.

First you have the overt avoidance - this
manifest as hyper independence, or fear
of commitment. You can tell from a mile away
that these people are avoiding intimacy.

The second is covert intimacy avoidance, which
is more difficult to recognize because, on the
surface, it often looks like a strong desire for
love and connection.

They might be anxiously chasing it but it's
Always with somebody they can't be with. In this
case, they are using the other person as an
excuse to keep intimacy away.

This usually looks like limerence, repeated
attraction to people who cannot reciprocate, or
relationships that are intense but never go
beyond a certain level of emotional depth.

The people consciously crave intimacy, but
unconsciously select partners or dynamics that
guarantee emotional distance.

In this way, longing becomes a cover for
avoidance. Wanting replaces receiving.
Fantasy replaces real intimacy.

Both patterns serve the same purpose:
protection. They develop when closeness once
felt unsafe, so the nervous system finds different
ways to stay connected without fully opening.

Francesca Tighinean