A desire to return to a state of unconscious safety and care, provided
by a partner who acts as a surrogate parent or a god.
This is not a search for companionship; it is a search for redemption.

We search for this "Magical Other" to carry the heavy loads we cannot
carry ourselves. We want them to instinctively know how to heal our
past hurts and validate our worth without us having to utter a word.

It is a seductive thought; that someone else can spare us the rigorous labor of growing up and becoming a whole individual on our own terms.

We seek to merge with them, hoping their strenght will cover our weakness. But this expectation is precisely what poisons the well of romance. It acts as a hidden corrosive agent in our love lives. When we demand that a partner function as our healer and savior, we are asking them to do the impossible.

Eventually, the sheer weight of our projection breaks them, or they
simply fail to read the script we've written for them in our heads.
When they fail to save us (because they are busy trying to survive their own lives ) our adoration turns into resentment.

We blame them for not being the deity we imagined. The relationship
dissolves not because of lack of love, but because it was crushed
by the expectation that love should have been a rescue mission.

Philemonisalive