A letter to the avoidant

I'm not writing this for you.
I'm writing it for me.
To release the pain, the
confusion, and the chaos
you left behind.

Your silence was never neutral.
It wasn't "space."
It wasn't "processing."
It was punishment.
It was neglect.
It was emotional violence, quiet, slow,
and devastating.

Every time you disappeared,
I blamed myself.
I replayed every conversation.
Every word.
Every moment I thought I might have
pushed too far.
I wondered what I could have done
differently to make you stay.

But I see now.
It was never me.
It was your fear of vulnerability.
Your need for control.
Your inability to sit in closeness without
running.

And while you hid behind silence,
I drowned in my own overthinking.
I begged for basic emotional presence.
I internalized your avoidance as proof I
was hard to love.

You didn't just hurt me.
You rewired my nervous system.
You made love feel like anxiety.
You made affection feel like risk.
You made connection feel like confusion.
You thaught me to mistake absence for space,
and withdrawal for peace.

But I'm done carrying your chaos.
I'm done performing calm to earn care.
I'm done mistaking your silence for depth.

Because it was never love that broke me.
It was the waiting.
The hoping.
The believing that your distance meant I
just needed to be more patient.

Now I know better.
Love is not confusion.
Love is not coldness.
Love is not earned by endurance.
And for the first time,
I am not waiting for you to choose me.
I am choosing me.

Sincere.emotion.