The most unattractive traits men who have done inner
work find in women…

Constant testing and chaos. Creating emotional turbulence
just to feel something. Mistaking intensity for passion
and intimacy and seeing peace as "boring."

Passive aggressiveness instead of direct communication.
Avoiding honest expression and instead communicating
through coldness, sarcasm, or silence.
Men with inner stability find this immature and draining.

Entitlement to his time, energy, or emotional labour.
Expecting him to be therapist, father, healer, and provider
without reciprocating with presence, support, or taking
accountability.

Refusal to self regulate or take ownership of triggers.
Expecting him to manage her nervous system, tiptoe
around her trauma, or constantly prove he's safe
rather than doing the inner work herself.

Demonising all men based on her past wounds.
Dumping rage and hurts from past relationships, toxic
men or her father into new healthy connections without
any self responsibility. Making new men pay for what
others did.

Living from an eternal girl that romanticises chaos,
avoids structure, and resists the responsibilty that
comes with maturity. Wants magic, intentsity, and
attention but disappears when stability and accountability
are asked of her.

Emotionally cold, hypercritical, and overly guarded.
Everything is dismissed or judged. There's no warmth,
and no amount of healthy effort or outcome feels good
enough.

Overly submissive. She accepts poor behavior, avoids
difficult conversations, and never challenges him.
Self abandoning nature. A man who's done the work
won't feel attracted to a dynamic where there's
no truth, no standards, and no Mutual growth.

Labeling volatility, abuse or emotional reactivity as
"feminine energy". Women who glorify their emotional
dysregulation and bypass doing the work to ground
themselves is super unattractive to a man who's done
inner work.

Your unchecked devouring mothering smothering energy
ontop of him. Treating him like a little boy. Acting
like his mother. A man who's done inner work can only
stand that enough for you to be aware of it and stop.

Women, an unhealed man will only respond to these
dysfunctions by trying to your father or saviour.
An unhealed man will project his mother onto you
and keep trying to prove he's worthy. But to a man
who's done the work, he'll just instantly feel
unattracted to you and move on.

I share all these examples with compassion.
I understand that they all come from a place
of parts of us within the shadow acting to feel
safe, loved and in control. And it's okay if you
have them. The invitation here is for you to become
aware, heal and integrate those parts so they don't
repeat dysfunctional dynamics or sabotage healty ones.

Charles Myssy
art:Las sirenas se divierten - Adolphe Lalyre