One of the most effective
manipulation tactics
is making a victim apologize.
It's called Darvo.

It is a psychological pattern
identified by Jennifer Freyd.
It often follows the same sequence,
Deny, that never happened,
Atack, you're too sensitive, you're crazy.
And then reverse Victim and Offender.
And suddenly the person who caused
your harm is asking for your sympathy
and the person who spoke up is
defending themselves.

And that is why Darvo is so effective.
It changes the conversation.
Instead of asking what happend,
you're suddenly trying to prove
that you're not the problem.
And the issue never gets resolved.
Because accountability was never the goal,
escape was.

So how do you avoid getting caught in it?

Don't defend your character.
Return to the behaviour.
Don't argue about who you are.
Keep bringing the conversation
back to what actually happened.

Manipulation thrives when the focus
shifts from facts to identities.
A person willing to take responsibility
discusses the behaviour.
A person avoiding responsibility
often attacks the person bringing it up.

The moment the conversation becomes about
your character instead of their actions.
Ask yourself who benefits from the shift?
Because acountability asks, how do we repair this?
Manipulation asks, how do I escape this?

nichunterreal