Just got out of a bad relationship,
how do I avoid getting back into one?

Is it really a bad relationship if it
brought you back to yourself?
What would happen if we deeply understood
that relationships are not places to extract
more pleasure, validation, or security
but mere vehicles of awakening, meant to
return us back to ourselves, our very essence?

So are you saying the relationship isn't the
problem, but our resistance to what it shows
us about ourselves?

Precisely. A relationship can be painful,
destabilizing, heartbreaking and still be an
initiation if it brings you back to yourself.
Then the danger isn't going back to them
or to someone similar. The danger is leaving
yourself again.
Hence the solution is not to control, manipulate
and try to avoid future pain. Until we understand
where we abandoned ourselves, why we tolerated what
we did, and what we were trying to get from love -
the relationship pattern will repeat, even if the
person changes.

Yet, shouldn't we aim to find good people?

Healing isn't about choosing better people it's
about choosing your own truth. Someone can be
perfect but you may not be aligned. Hence you
constantly adjust yourself and shirk your needs
just to keep them, then what you are sustaining
is not a relationship, but a carefully maintained
illusion of harmony.

A relationship that demands your disappearance is
not love. It is bondage. Real love never asks you
to disappear - it unfolds the moment you are free
to be yourself.
Observe the moment you fall into the role of a victim.
Approach life with curiosity, try to understand what
the pain is trying to teach you. The relationship
didn't harm you. It freed you from a fantasy that
was costing you yourself.

What do you mean the relationship did not harm me,
I was hurt emotionally.

Hurt is an experience - and experiences can move,
reshape, and awaken us. Harm, however, is a corruption
of your essence. The moment you choose truth over
attachment, you are no longer harmed - even if it hurts.
The path of truth will lead us to love.
Stay with yourself. Silence the outside noise to
hear your own heart. Remember what matters to you,
what you truly need. Welcome back the parts of you
that learned to hide in order to be loved.
Let them return home. Become whole.
Then love is no longer something you chase, earn,
or bargain for, it is simply what you are,
once nothing in you is being denied.

freedom.from.the.madness
Art: Carlos Martin - Quiet presence