Robert stern who studies gaslighting says; it's about gaining power by destabilizing someone's sense of reality.
That means it's not about being dismissive, it's about creating confusion. Here's what to watch for. Instead of addressing issues. They're gonna rewrite them. You bring up something specific that happened and details get shifted, altered or reframed until the story itself feels unstable and you're left questioning what actually happened. You'll also notice they confuse accountability with attack.
You bring up a question or a concern and they're gonna respond by getting defensive and shift the focus onto you, your memory, your sensitivity until your left questioning your own perception. The big one is that your confusion buys them time. Your left questioning details, questioning yourself and they don't have to repair or reflect or change a thing. Confusion delays accountability and that's exactly what they're desperately trying to avoid.
If you feel like someone's gaslighting you I want you to notice how you feel. Healthy conflict ends in clarity. Gaslighting ends in only one person being confused.

Spiritbird
Art:Brooke Shaden