When we enable a friend or loved one to avoid the natural consequences of their actions we make them less capable of navigating their own life, an essential task that all of us must master. We become trapped in the illusion that if we treat an adult like a child, we are helping them. By removing consequences that a loved one needs to experience, we help them avoid the reality of their actions. Perhaps we cause them (because they did not learn the small lesson now) to have to face a much graver lesson later. Respect boundaries, your own and everyone else’s. Our loved ones have to learn how to rescue themselves and how to avoid situations from which they need to be rescued. Every action has a consequence that must be considered before performing the action.
Manipulating someone will bring neither of you happiness. Change begins from within. Enabling is “hurtful helping” because we cheat someone out of opportunities to become stronger and wiser. Don’t hold together what must fall apart so that new life can begin. Relieve yourself of the unnecessary burden of taking responsibility for other people’s decisions. Experience the freedom of being in charge of the only life you have the power to change- your own. When you try to control another person, you are giving that person control over you.

Joe Gorman
Art:Catrin Welz-Stein