Some people don't resolve conflict the
way adults talk it through. They resolve
it the way a child hides under a table and waits
for the storm to pass.

Time becomes the mediator. Silence becomes the
strategy and years later, they call it growth.

A lot of people are not bad at communicating.
They are bad at sitting with the emotional
consequences of their behavior.
So instead of developing a conscience that
can say "I hurt you", they develop a coping
mechanism that says "I'll disappear when it
gets awkward."

Ghosting, stonewalling, distancing...they're
learned exits. We love to say "they just don't
know how to communicate," but that isn't Always
true. A lot of people know how to communicate,
they just know how to escape better.

Disagreeing consciously was never taught to most of us.
We were taught to win, defend, shut down, personalise,
or internalise. Very few were thaught how to disagree
without turning it into an identity threat. Without
taking offence as proof of being wronged.

So when tension creeps up, the nervous system goes into protection mode and for many, this looks like silence.

You see self awareness is a muscle group. Most people
were never taught to hold multiple truths, they were
taught binary thinking. Right or wrong. Victim or villain.
So when conflict comes, the mind must choose a side quickly
to stabilise their self image. The fastest way to do that
is ghosting of distancing.

When someone goes quiet, disappears, delays, 'needs
space", or lets time do the talking, what you are often
seeing is not maturity. It is state regression. Their
nervous system has decided this moment exceeds their capacity.
So the mind abandons adult faculties and hands the wheel
back to whatever once kept them safe.

Afsa Rosette
Art:Silvia Beneforti