We've turned emotional harm into a psychology lesson.
You know this person is, an avoidant, this person is
traumatized, this person is wounded, this person is
scared of intimacy and listen all of that can be true.
But here's the part that people avoid saying out loud.
Sometimes the person is just shit.
Plain and simple not misunderstood, not emotionally
complex, not doing the best they can, just inconsiderate,
selfish, lazy with other people's feelings.
You know we've become obsessed with context, with reasons
with finding something that makes behavior easier
to swallow and in the process we keep swallowing
things that should have been spat out immediately,
because explanation is not the same as permission.
Someone being traumatized doesn't give them a free
pass to mistreat you and someone being avoidant doesn't
excuse lying, disappearing or emotionally breadcrumbing you
and someone being hurt doesn't justify hurting you
and at some point the why stops mattering because impact
matters and here's the uncomfortable truth, you don't
need a psychological framework to recognize disrespect
and you don't need to intellectualize behavior,
that consistently leaves you anxious, confused or small.
If someone keeps showing up inconsistently, keeps
crossing lines, keeps doing damage and calling it
their process, you're not being emotionally intelligent
by staying, you're being conditioned.
We overjustify because it makes us feel kind, because
it let's us feel patient, because it delays the moment
we have to admit we're tolerating something we shouldn't.
Calling someone avoidant feels softer than saying this
person treats me like shit, and calling someone traumatized
feels nobler than saying this person lacks accountability.
But clarity isn't cruelty, sometimes behavior doesn't
need analysis it needs a boundary. And sometimes the most
honest thing you can say is this "I don't care why you
are the way you are, I care about how it feels to be
around you" because your nervous system doesn't care
about attachment theory, your body doesn't care about
their childhood, your peace doesn't care about their
backstory, it only knows what it's being subjected to.
So yes, empathy matters, understanding matters, but not
at the expense of self-respect.
You're allowed to stop diagnosing people who are actively
making your life worse, you're allowed to stop romanticizing
broken behavior and you're allowed to admit this without guilt.
Some people aren't complicated, they're just not good to you
and you don't need a deeper explanation than that.

Hama Zaid