She stands beside the horse.
Neither pulls away.

The tipi holds the night
the way a chest holds breath.

Moonlight rests on their backs—
not to claim,
only to witness.

The horse lowers its head.
Trust is quiet.

The woman listens
with her whole body.
This is how teachings pass.

Ancestors move
through muscle,
through stillness,
through the space between touch and release.

Protection is not force.
It is presence.

Freedom is walking together
without a rope,
under the same sky,
answering to the earth alone.

Native Intellect

“The philosopher is not a person who wears no mask, but one who knows how to play with a number of masks, skillfully shifting from wearing one to wearing another, as circumstances demand.” ~Raymond Geuss

Expressing yourself like a philosopher is gazing into the abyss with an arsenal of masks. These “masks” symbolize different ways of looking at, and moving through, the world.

When you express yourself like a philosopher everything is Labyrinth. Everything is metaphor. Everything is meant to be explored. Everything is wisdom disguised as ignorance. Everything is parenthetical, incidental, tangential. Even the self. Even the universe. Even God.

For a good philosopher, nothing is off the hook for being questioned to the nth degree. A good philosopher understands that there are no absolute answers, only astute questions.

As Nietzsche said, “A philosopher who is warlike challenges problems to duels.”

A good philosopher cuts through all red tape. Kneecaps all high horses. Dethrones all gods. Inflicts oneself and the world with good questions. Remains ahead of the curve. Doubles down on curiosity and then uses it to overwhelm and overcome their own certainty.

Gary Z McGee
Art: Gijinka by liberxx0

The hardest decisions aren't between pain and peace.
They're between two kinds of pain. Stay, and it costs you.
Leave, and it costs you. Speak, and it'll hurt.
Stay silent, and it'll also hurt.
Like staying in a relationship where you're loved
but not emotionally met. Or leaving, knowing you'll
miss the way they made your coffee or held your hand
in the grocery store and made you belly laugh until
you cried.
What makes these decissions so tough is that we've
been thaught to believe that the right choice is the one
that feels good, and that clarity of making the right choice
will come with a sense of calm and peace.
But a lot of the time there's no frictionless path.
There's just choosing the pain. You're more willing to hold
that feels most honest.
It's choosing the version of discomfort that lets yourself
live with yourself afterward.
And we don't really talk about this. I certainly don't feel
prepped for a lot of hard decisions I've had to make,
especially not in this curated, convenience driven
virtual world where, you know we expect everything to be
optimized and clean and obvious, but real life is just
murkier than that and emotionally maturing is less
about finding the right decision and more about building
the capacity to sit in tension long enough to make one.
So what I've come to understand is the question really
becomes, can you build a nerveous system strong enough
to stay with what hurts without abandoning what matters,
so that when life throws you really, really hard decisions,
you're equipped not to go in survival mode and collapse
or freak out, but actually keep your head on your shoulders
and navigate whatever the tension presented will be.

Baya Voce

I have laughed and I have been silent.
There were days I looked at the future with courage, believing something good was waiting for me. And there were days I walked through life without desire, carrying myself forward without asking for anything. Sometimes I look within and wonder if hope still lives there, quiet but alive.

But this much I know. I have not given up on life. I am not bitter. I still choose to live. Not because it is easy, but because it is right. I do not know whether this wish to live is desire or something older carried through time. But I know this. There is no hatred in me. No envy. No resentment.

That is why I still stand. Calm. Unbroken. Able to lift my eyes to the night sky and look at the moon and the stars, not as a man who has fallen, but as one who remains.

—Chamod Senevirathne

The ability to consciously open the heart is the most
important skill needed for an evolving relationship.

If you want an evolving relationship, one where growth,
healing and awakening are central to the experience of
intimacy… it needs to be created as a craft.

Relationship must be something you apply yourself to,
in order to master. With an entire set of necessary
skills to practice… regulation, boundaries, communication,
polarity, conflict....the list goes on.

One of the hardest things about relationships is that
the deeper you go in intimacy, the more the impacts to
the heart hurt.

Because nobody is perfect all the time.
You fuck up... you react.. you get into conflict....
you say hurtful things… you demand to much..

Hurt is inevitable.

When we are hurt, the heart naturally closes in response.

We protect ourselves.
We armour up.
Close down.
Withdraw.

Yet the moment the heart closes, the intimacy stops flowing.

And when the intimacy stops flowing, the relationship begins
to dry out.

Too long without the flow of love and intimacy, and the connection
shrivels and cracks like the bed of an empty desert lake.

For a relationship to be resilient we must be able to find
a way to re-open the heart after impact.

Because impact is natural
difficults are normal.

An evolving couple finds their way though the though times…

They repair and reconnect
They open their hearts again.
And they do it consciously.

Understanding
Forgiveness
Letting go.

If the resilience to weather the storms is weaker
that the intent to find love through them….
a relationship cannot last.

Until we develop consciousness our hearts are purely reactive.
They open and close without any control.

Yet as we develop consciousness we realise…
that we have a choice. We can open the heart again.

We can love again.

And together we become capable of rising to higher levels.

And it's necessary.

When we open our heart we fill ourselve with forgiveness,
empathy, compassion and love.

And all the resentment drains away.

If you want to be able to really go as far as you can in
a relationship.

This skill is needed.

@evolverelating

If you only knew how much I cried
when I decided to distance myself from you.
How I still wanted to be with you.
But I knew I couldn't. I don't think you'll
ever understand how much it took out of me.
You don't know how hurt and broken I was
because of the decision I made.
The decision to let you go, even though
I didn't want to. But I had to.

I still remember how out first conversation started.
I still recall how wide my smile was whenever we talked.
The way you made me feel safe.
That was when I realized I had fallen for you.
I loved you more than you ever knew.
And I feared it.
Losing you when I loved you the most, was the hardest
thing I've ever had to do.
It was hard to understand how something that felt
so right could go so wrong.

Maybe for you, we were nothing.
But for me, you're everything.

The best decision I've ever made
was to be quiet. I have nothing
to prove to people who have already
made up their minds. I'm not convincing
anyone that I'm a great person.
I'm not fixing what I didn't break.
I'm not fighting for anyone to see
my worth.
Whatever you do is on you. Just hope
you don't regret it. As for me, I'm
moving toward peace.

@goodmindstribe

Most of us are trying to dissolve our Ego.
But the Ego cannot be dissolved using will-power.
Using will-power to dissolve the Ego creates
spiritual Ego.

Spiritual Ego is an image of oneself as the
egoless person. So one is chasing a projection,
an image instead of change of behavior.
Therefore, the old egoic behavior simply
continues, with an image of egolessness on top.

This is how you get clever spiritual teachers
who convince themselves of being enlightened,
and lure others into their trap. Most of them
are full of shit.
Especially those who have a lot of wealth and
political power.

The Ego can't be dissolved. It can only be
observed and integrated. To integrate your
Ego is to bring together conflicting parts
of your identity together. It is to know
why you fear the person you love, and why
you chase pleasures, while also chasing enlightment.

Without doing this, the Ego remains conflicted
and confused. You say one thing, and do another.
This conflict resolves with integration between
the three parts of the Ego.

The Ego is divided into three parts.
The Self-protection, the Self-image and the
True-self.

Self-projection is who I show the world,
Self-image is who I think I am, and the true-
self who I actually am.

The greater the self-awareness, the greater
the overlap in the three selves.

The lesser the self-awareness, the less is
the overlap.

The path to integration begins with intense
self-observations from moment to moment.
And in such observation having an insight.

The Insight into why you have conflicting
thoughts, creates clarity. That clarity creates
Integration.

For example, when I am angry, and observe that
anger. I sometimes notice I am not angry at another,
I am only afraid of an unkown future. So I try
to control that fear, and that control manifests
as anger towards them.

This insight dissolves anger and creates integration.

You observe and understand a lot. Some you can't.
And to that, you Surrender. In Surrender, the battle
of opposites comes to an end.

That which refused to change begins to undergo a
spontaneous transformation. Where there was once
pain, there is now passion. Where there was fear,
there is now flow, where there was darkness, there
is light.

When there are no pretenses, no judgements, no labels
inwardly, when all of you becomes one unified whole,
without any divisions or conflict, the Ego has found
integration. Thought becomes cleard, definite and precise.

An Integrated Ego takes action without the influence of
fear or desire. Which is why it takes right action that
is suited to the moment and intuition, it acts from
uncompromising morality and compassion.

This is why whatever it chooses to do, spread joy,
love and healing in the world.

findingawareness

The kindest people you’ll ever meet are the ones who naturally live with morals, manners, and self awareness. They didn’t need to be taught how to be kind.

It’s just who they are.
They move through the world gently without making it everyone else’s burden.
They think before they speak. They care without keeping score.
They don’t announce their goodness. They don’t post about it.
They don’t remind you of what they did for you. They simply are.

These people are rare. Most kindness comes with conditions.
With expectations. With a mental tally of who owes who. But not theirs.
They give because it’s natural. They help because they can.
They treat people well because that’s the only way they know how to be.
You won’t always notice them at first. They’re not the loudest in the room.
But once you recognize them, you never forget them.
If you find someone like this, hold onto them.
That kind of person doesn’t come around often.

I think “the meaning of life” is something we have to formulate for ourselves, we have to determine what has meaning for us… It clearly has to do with love — what and whom and how one can love. I do not think that love is “just an emotion,” but that it is constitutive in our whole mental structure (and, therefore, in the development of our brains).

Oliver Sacks
Art: Sophie Blackall - Things to look forward to - Hugging a friend

What the Tipi Knows

The sun lowers its voice.
Grass answers by standing.

The animal stays close.
Not owned.
Not afraid.

Inside the lodge,
breath gathers
like a remembered song.

Ancestors are not gone.
They hold the shape of shelter.
They teach us
how to remain.

Protection is quiet care.
Strength is the choice
to stay gentle.

Freedom is learned here—
between earth and doorway—
where nothing is taken,
and all is returned.

Native intellect

What do you know

"When love comes to the well and asks,
What do you know,
it says,
I know thirst, I know abundance.
I know depth, I know darkness."

"When love comes to the ash and asks,
What do you know,
the ash says, I know the secrets between the volcano and the sky.

It says, I know wandering,
and I know the language of fire."

"When love comes to courage and asks,
What do you know,
courage says,
I know speaking, even though I am afraid,
and I know the daily work of keeping on."

Aracelis Girmay
Art: Arianna Fields

The 4 Laws of Life.

The first law says:
“The person who comes into our life is the right person”; meaning that no one enters our lives by chance.

Every single person who surrounds us, who interacts with us, is there for a reason, to teach us something and help us grow in every situation.

The second law says:
“What happens is the only thing that could have happened.”
Nothing, absolutely nothing of what happens in our lives could have happened in any other way.

Not even the tiniest detail.
There is no such thing as:
“If I had done this instead, that other thing would have happened…”
No.

What happened was the only thing that could have happened and it had to happen exactly that way so we could learn that lesson and move forward.
Every single situation that occurs in our lives is perfect, even though our mind and our ego resist and refuse to accept it.

The third law says:
“Whenever something begins, that is the right moment.”
Everything starts at exactly the right time, neither earlier nor later.

When we are truly ready for something new to begin in our lives, that’s when it will begin.

And the fourth and final one:
“When something ends, it ends.”
Just like that.

If something has ended in our lives, it is for our evolution; therefore it is better to let it go, move on and continue forward, now enriched by that experience.

I believe it is not by chance that you are reading this right now.
If these words have reached your life today, it is because you are ready to understand that “no snowflake ever falls in the wrong place.”

“A soulmate is an ongoing connection with another individual that the soul picks up again in various times and places over lifetimes. We are attracted to another person at a soul level not because that person is our unique complement, but because by being with that individual, we are somehow provided with an impetus to become whole ourselves.”

― Edgar Cayce

We've turned emotional harm into a psychology lesson.
You know this person is, an avoidant, this person is
traumatized, this person is wounded, this person is
scared of intimacy and listen all of that can be true.
But here's the part that people avoid saying out loud.
Sometimes the person is just shit.
Plain and simple not misunderstood, not emotionally
complex, not doing the best they can, just inconsiderate,
selfish, lazy with other people's feelings.
You know we've become obsessed with context, with reasons
with finding something that makes behavior easier
to swallow and in the process we keep swallowing
things that should have been spat out immediately,
because explanation is not the same as permission.
Someone being traumatized doesn't give them a free
pass to mistreat you and someone being avoidant doesn't
excuse lying, disappearing or emotionally breadcrumbing you
and someone being hurt doesn't justify hurting you
and at some point the why stops mattering because impact
matters and here's the uncomfortable truth, you don't
need a psychological framework to recognize disrespect
and you don't need to intellectualize behavior,
that consistently leaves you anxious, confused or small.
If someone keeps showing up inconsistently, keeps
crossing lines, keeps doing damage and calling it
their process, you're not being emotionally intelligent
by staying, you're being conditioned.
We overjustify because it makes us feel kind, because
it let's us feel patient, because it delays the moment
we have to admit we're tolerating something we shouldn't.
Calling someone avoidant feels softer than saying this
person treats me like shit, and calling someone traumatized
feels nobler than saying this person lacks accountability.
But clarity isn't cruelty, sometimes behavior doesn't
need analysis it needs a boundary. And sometimes the most
honest thing you can say is this "I don't care why you
are the way you are, I care about how it feels to be
around you" because your nervous system doesn't care
about attachment theory, your body doesn't care about
their childhood, your peace doesn't care about their
backstory, it only knows what it's being subjected to.
So yes, empathy matters, understanding matters, but not
at the expense of self-respect.
You're allowed to stop diagnosing people who are actively
making your life worse, you're allowed to stop romanticizing
broken behavior and you're allowed to admit this without guilt.
Some people aren't complicated, they're just not good to you
and you don't need a deeper explanation than that.

Hama Zaid

There's a cost to being self aware that no one really talks about.
Ya know people praise self awareness like it's this upgrade, like once you have it everything gets lighter, clearer, easier.
It doesn't, in a lot of ways it gets heavier.
Because once you become self aware you don't get the comfort of ignorance anymore. You start seeing patterns that you used to live inside without noticing. You catch yourself mid-reaction, mid-excuse, mid-avoidance and that changes things.
You don't get to blame everything on circumstance, you don't get to say, that's just how I am and feel clean and peaceful about it. You see where you contribute, where you pull away, where you stay silent. Where you chose comfort over honesty and sometimes that awareness doesn't lead to immediate change, it just sits there watching.
You start noticing how often you bite your tongue, how often you could speak up but choose peace instead.
How often you understand someone's behavior even when it hurts you. And that understanding, that's where it gets lonely, because when you're self aware, you don't get the same relief from being reactive, you don't get the same satisfaction from exploding, you don't get to play the victim without feeling it in your chest afterward. You see too much, you see why people do what they do.
You see where pain comes from, you see the fear underneath the behavior. And that makes it harder to walk away cleanly, harder to be dramatic, harder to be careless, you start carrying responsibility, even when no one asked you to.
There is also this quiet grief that it comes with. You realize, you know, how many conversations could have gone differently, how many situations you handled poorly before you knew better.
How many versions of yourself you don't fully recognize anymore. And you don't get to undo that, self awareness doesn't erase the past, it just makes you more conscious of it.
It forces you to slow down, to pause, to choose your words carefully and sometimes, sometimes that restraint feels exhausting, because reacting would be easier. Blaming, would be lighter, not knowing would be comfortable. But you know now, and knowing changes the rules. You don't get to unsee your patterns, you don't get to unlearn your triggers. You don't get to pretend your actions don't have weight.

spilltheteapotography Art: Ahad

Don’t date an emotionally intelligent person
if you’re not ready to hear the truth.
Because they won’t call you out to hurt you—
they’ll do it to wake you up.

They’ll see through the excuses.
The patterns.
The walls you built to protect yourself.

They’ll notice avoidance.
They’ll notice projection.
And yes—they’ll hold you accountable.

Not because they’re harsh,
but because to them, love isn’t pretending everything is okay.
Love is growth.

Emotionally intelligent people don’t play games.
No silent treatments.
No manipulation.
They communicate—even when it’s uncomfortable.

And if you’re not ready for that level of honesty,
it will feel like confrontation
when it’s actually connection.
So don’t date someone emotionally aware
if you’re still in love with your comfort zone.

Because they will push you to see yourself.
And once you do—you can’t unsee it.

They’ll love you deeply.
But they’ll also challenge the version of you hiding behind ego.
And that’s where healing begins.
That’s where real growth starts.

21 Skills that will pay you forever

1) Ability to keep trying even after failure.
2) Ability to speak in front of large audiences.
3) Ability to invest money on yourself.
4) Ability to do things irrespective of the situation.
5) Ability to self-analyze.
6) Ability to learn how to learn.
7) Ability to understand what others feel.
8) Ability to remain consistent.
9) Ability to master your thoughts.
10) Ability to ask for help.
11) Ability to shut up, listen and learn from others.
12) Ability to sell and negotiate.
13) Ability to convey what you think and feel.
14) Ability to manage time effectively.
15) Ability to break a process down into smaller steps.
16) Ability to adapt, improvise and overcome obstacles.
17) Ability to read, understand and memorize.
18) Ability to walk away.
19) Ability to stay positive and optimistic.
20) Ability to make decisions based on facts not emotions.
21) Ability to write words to persuade and influence others.

successtheory.co

Just got out of a bad relationship,
how do I avoid getting back into one?

Is it really a bad relationship if it
brought you back to yourself?
What would happen if we deeply understood
that relationships are not places to extract
more pleasure, validation, or security
but mere vehicles of awakening, meant to
return us back to ourselves, our very essence?

So are you saying the relationship isn't the
problem, but our resistance to what it shows
us about ourselves?

Precisely. A relationship can be painful,
destabilizing, heartbreaking and still be an
initiation if it brings you back to yourself.
Then the danger isn't going back to them
or to someone similar. The danger is leaving
yourself again.
Hence the solution is not to control, manipulate
and try to avoid future pain. Until we understand
where we abandoned ourselves, why we tolerated what
we did, and what we were trying to get from love -
the relationship pattern will repeat, even if the
person changes.

Yet, shouldn't we aim to find good people?

Healing isn't about choosing better people it's
about choosing your own truth. Someone can be
perfect but you may not be aligned. Hence you
constantly adjust yourself and shirk your needs
just to keep them, then what you are sustaining
is not a relationship, but a carefully maintained
illusion of harmony.

A relationship that demands your disappearance is
not love. It is bondage. Real love never asks you
to disappear - it unfolds the moment you are free
to be yourself.
Observe the moment you fall into the role of a victim.
Approach life with curiosity, try to understand what
the pain is trying to teach you. The relationship
didn't harm you. It freed you from a fantasy that
was costing you yourself.

What do you mean the relationship did not harm me,
I was hurt emotionally.

Hurt is an experience - and experiences can move,
reshape, and awaken us. Harm, however, is a corruption
of your essence. The moment you choose truth over
attachment, you are no longer harmed - even if it hurts.
The path of truth will lead us to love.
Stay with yourself. Silence the outside noise to
hear your own heart. Remember what matters to you,
what you truly need. Welcome back the parts of you
that learned to hide in order to be loved.
Let them return home. Become whole.
Then love is no longer something you chase, earn,
or bargain for, it is simply what you are,
once nothing in you is being denied.

freedom.from.the.madness
Art: Carlos Martin - Quiet presence

How do you have conversations that are actually about understanding, rather than subtly trying to manipulate someone into changing?

Understanding someone, rather than subtly trying to
manipulate them to change, asks you to develop one
of the highest relation skills a human can develop,
and it invites you to become someone who embodies
this strangely paradoxical truth:

You genuinely love and accept this person exactly as they are.
And at the same time, you want evolution and growth.

Embodying this paradox asks you to develop two traits:

The first is to stop making your liberation contingent
on other people's liberation, and recognize this:

When you feel a strong urge to force someone to change,
it is often not about them. It is a symptom of your own fear
that you are not fully becoming who you want to be,
that you are not faithfully walking the path of your own soul.
So you begin to need someone else's evolution to guarantee
your happiness.

When you know in your bones that you are on the path
that is true for you, when you are taking aligned
action and telling the truth with your life, your need
for other people to change softens dramatically.
You can rest your head on the pillow at night with peace,
knowing you are responsible for your own liberation,
and you are meeting that responsibility.

The second requirement is honest feedback paired with
infinte curiosity.

Relationships do not thrive when we hide our desire for change;
they thrive when we own it clearly.

If you pretend you only want to understand someone, while secretly
hoping they will evolve, consciously or not, they will feel it.
Their nervous system will register threat, and they become less
available for change, not more.

So instead, name both sides clearly.

Own the places where you want something to be different.
Admit how that desire may be connected to your own fears,
your own longings, your own unfinished edges. And at the same
time, share what you genuinely see as possible for them, for you,
and for the relationship.

From this place, curiosity becomes real. It's not a tactic or
a disguise for control, pretending to be curious when actually
you're dying on the inside needing change. It's a curiosity that
is alive, open, and unafraid of what it might discover.

The art is holding both of these truths at once:

I love you exactly as you are, and I can do that because
my liberation is my responsibility.

And I see what is possible for you and for us, and I want
to create that together.

Conversations rooted in this paradox become rich and nuanced.
They stop being about control and coercion and start being about creation.

Flynn Skidmore
Art: Eloy Bida

A lot of woman say they want a good man
until they acutally meet one and realize
he's not easy to deal with. A good man
isn't convenient, he doesn't bend to chaos
he doesn't abandon his values just because
emotions run high.

And this is where confusion starts if
you've never experienced emotional maturiy,
you'll misread it every time you call him cold
because he won't tolerate drama.
You'll call him distant because he protects
his peace. You'll call him detached because he
refuses to beg for approval but that isn't coldness
that's self respect. A man who knows his worth
doens't move from insecurity, he moves from conviciton
he doens't chase chaos, he doesn't chase emotional
volatility, he builds, he leads, he creates order
and for people raised in dysfunction peace can
feel boring until it's gone.

Stability doesn't trigger adrenaline but it does
build a life. A good man requires partnership,
respect and emotional regulation.
Good men don't bend they build and the right woman
doesn't fight that she rises to meet it.

X

The fastest way to loose a good man isn't cheating,
it's becoming his biggest source of stress instead of his peace.
Men don't leave because someone prettier comes along.
They leave because home becomes harder than the outside world.
When a man is dealing with work pressure, financial stress,
and the way to providing he needs one place where he can breathe.
That place should by you. Many woman forget this, they compete
with their man instead of complimenting him, they challenge every
decision, question his leadership and turn conversations into
debates, that's not partnership that's exhausting.
A man doesn't need you to be his therapist, or his mother,
he needs you to be his woman, soft where the world is hard,
warm where everything else is cold, loyal where everyone
else is condintional. When a woman makes home a place
strenght and peace, when she needs him, desires him,
and chooses him daily. A man doesn't even see other woman,
not because he can't, because nothing outside competes with
what he has at home. Loyalty isn't a promise, it's a reality you
create. If you man is distant ask yourself are you adding to
his peace or problems? Make home a sanctuary or watch him
find peace somewhere else.

Sad boy inspirations

The fastest way to see someone's emotional maturity
is to tell them how they hurt you. Not with accusations
not with a perfect explanation just tell them how it felt.

Someone emotionally mature will listen without defending
themselves. They won't rush to justify. They won't make it
their intentions. They'll try to understand the impact.
They'll sit with the discomfort. They'll validate your feelings
even when it's hard.
Because they know something important. Acknowledging your pain
does not diminish them.

It strengthens the bond.

Imaturity looks diferent.
It hides behind denial, deflection, blame.
An immature heart will call you sensitve.
They will twist your words into an attack.
They'll turn your hurt into something you cause
and suddenly you're explaining yourself
while your pain gets ignored.

In that moment something becomes very clear.
Not about the argument about their capacity.
Because someone who cannot hold your pain
cannot grow with you.

Pay attention to how someone responds
when you're honest about being hurt.
That response tells you everything.

Most dismissive avoidant individuals do not
know they are dismissive avoidant.
And even when they do learn the label,
it usually doesn't land emotionally the
way people expect.

Why they usually don't know:
Dismissive avoidance develops before
conscious memory. It forms in early
childhood when emotional needs are
repeatedly unmet, minimized or ignored.

So the child adapts by learning something like;

"I'm safer relying on myself"
"Needing others creates problems"
"Emotions don't get responded to -
so it's safer to shut them down."

This adaptation becomes their
nervous system baseline, not a
conscious strategy.

Because of that;

Their emotional distance feels normal to them.
Their independence feels like strenght, not avoidance.
Their lack of emotional awareness feels like being
"logical" or "low drama."

They're not thinking "I'm avoiding intimacy"
They're thinking, "This is just how relationships are."

Attachment research shows that dismissive avoidant
individuals tend to have;

Low Emotional self-awareness.
Deactivated attachment systems
( They downplay needs and distress)
Limited insight into how their behavior
impacts others emotionally.

That last part is important.

They often don't consciously
register or express the same
emotional intensity their partner
feels, so they assume the partner
is overreacting rather than
recognizing a rupture.

It's not malicious.
It's neurological and developmental.

And this is why insight alone doesn't
create change.

Some dismissive avoidants know they’re “avoidant,”
and on some level, some may sense they have
distancing tendencies, but this awareness
is often subconscious and not emotionally integrated.

Knowing the label doesn’t automatically create emotional insight.
Dismissive avoidance is often triggered by closeness, conflict,
and commitment because those experiences activate subconscious fears
formed in early childhood and stored beneath conscious awareness.

In the early phase of relationships, those fears usually haven’t
been activated yet, which is why they can initially show up great-
warm, attentive, and connected. This dynamic is often why partners
feel blindsided when the relationship suddenly shifts.
As intimacy deepens or conflict and commitment arise,
their nervous system interprets those moments as overwhelming pressure,
activating distancing strategies like shutting down, withdrawing,
needing space, or ending the relationship prematurely.

These patterns and programs have to be healed
at the root through subconscious reconditioning.

Lauren Marie

You mistake emotional distance for strength because you learned to protect yourself by staying private. It kept you safe once, but now it quietly blocks the closeness that could actually reach you.

Notesfrompsyche

Love is wanting others to be free
control and love cannot co-exist,
though control often cloaks itself
in love's clothing.

I am no longer free the moment i
need another to bend to my will.
I am no longer loving myself
when I try to control another
person's response to my actions.

When I try to control you,
I am abandoning myself.

Love is trusting in ourself that,
no matter what happens, we will
get through it.

Love is unclenching our fist so
that we may be open to the shifting
tides of intimacy.

May our love be liberated.

"Un jour, on m’a dit qu’il ne fallait pas trop donner. Mais moi, je crois que l’on donne toujours ce que l’on porte en soi… Car, au fond, c’est ainsi que l’on sait si l’on est à la bonne place ou non. Si l’on verse trop d’eau dans un verre trop petit, il finit par déborder et c’est là que l’on comprend qu’il n’était pas le bon récipient.
Alors, sois intense, exige beaucoup, offre tout autant, mais surtout, sois attentif… Car un cœur peut aussi se vider à force de donner tout ce qu’il a, là où il ne le faut pas.

Emmanuel Zavala

"Très malheureux est celui qui aime seulement les corps, les formes et les images. La mort détruira tout, essaie d'aimer les âmes, car tu les retrouveras."

Victor Hugo

“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing... not healing, not curing... that is a friend who cares.”

Henri Nouwen
art: Angelo Thomas

One of the most clearest signs of emotional maturity is the ability
to hold complexity and even contradictions without collapsing into
black and white thinking.
In childhood this splitting helps us simplify the world by splitting
it into binaries like good versus bad, safe versus unsafe.
But as we mature we develop this ability to hold two opposing truths at once such as people can disappoint me and still be good people, or love can coexist with conflict. Emotional immaturity often stems from being stuck in an earlier developmental stage where complexity seems overwhelming and threatening.
But the cost of black and white thinking in adulthood is that it distorts reality.
Creating rigid judgements and difficulty showing compassion to others and to ourselves. Emotional maturity by contrast means tolerating ambiguity and meeting reality as it is, messy and nuanced.

Francesca Tighinean

Be gentle with yourself. You are meeting parts of you that you have long been at war with. Take all the time you need.

Janny Juddly

She reached the point where settling became unbearable.

For too long she had accepted less than she deserved. She gave up pieces of herself—her time, her opinions, her energy—to keep relationships afloat. She learned to read the room before speaking, to measure her words, to soften her edges so no one felt uncomfortable. She traded authenticity for approval, freedom for stability, depth for ease.

It cost her. Quiet resentment built up. Joy leaked out. She felt smaller every time she pretended.

One day she looked at the pattern and said no more.

She stopped negotiating her worth. Stopped dimming her light so a man could stand taller beside her. Stopped explaining her needs until they sounded like requests for permission. Stopped believing that love required
sacrifice on her part alone.

The rebuilding took years. Therapy unpacked the conditioning. Boundaries replaced people-pleasing. Solitude taught her she could be alone and still feel whole. Failures showed her what she would never tolerate again.
She grieved the versions of herself she had abandoned, then honored the woman who survived them.

Now her standards are non-negotiable.

She wants a partner, not a project.
A man who has faced his own insecurities and come out steady.
Someone whose sense of self isn’t rattled by her ambition, her anger, her need for space, her changing desires.

He doesn’t interpret her independence as rejection or her intensity as drama. He sees both as signs she is alive and real.
He offers freedom without score-keeping.
She can speak plainly—no filter, no rehearsal.
She can withdraw to recharge without it becoming a crisis.
She can pursue friendships, passions, travel, solitude, without constant reassurance that he’s “okay.”
He trusts her loyalty because it’s freely given, not coerced.

When conflict arises he stays in the room—listens without defending, speaks without attacking, repairs without rushing.
He knows emotional safety isn’t about never feeling uncomfortable; it’s about knowing discomfort won’t end the connection.

He has his own life—friends, purpose, growth. He doesn’t lean on her to feel complete.
Because of that, he can celebrate her victories without envy, hold her grief without trying to solve it, witness her evolution without feeling left behind.

When she returns to him—after time apart, after big feelings, after soaring—he meets her exactly as she is.
No guilt. No lectures. No subtle reminders of what she “owes.”
Just presence, curiosity, and the quiet confidence of someone who knows love doesn’t require possession.

Anything short of that feels like regression now.
She has tasted freedom.
She has felt what it’s like to be met without conditions.
She refuses to unlearn it.

She is no longer available for relationships that demand her shrinkage.

Ancestral Healing
Freetoattach

If a man stops chasing pay close attention. If a man stops chasing or stops texting do not get it twisted that is not a game, that is not a manipulation tactic, that is a man who has finally realized his true value. He was not born distant he used to be the one carrying the burden of the conversation, alone, he replied instantly to people who took days to respond, he was always available, always ready.

He bought the lie that if he just gave enough of his time eventually he would be chosen but he learned the hard way people do not value what they get for free.
He realized that being always there didn't make him important, it made him invisible.
Even the most patient heart has a limit. He found peace in the silence that he never found in the chase. He stopped trying to force a connection because he realized you cannot beg for attention from people who do not want to give it.

Why People Tell You Things They’ve Never Told Anyone Else.

It happens everywhere.

Strangers.
Coworkers.
Friends of friends.

People you barely know start talking.
…Then they keep going.
Then suddenly they’re telling you something heavy. Personal. Unfinished.

And when you walk away, YOU feel it.

Drained.
Weighted.
Like you’re carrying something that isn’t yours.

Your nervous system signals safety before you say a word.

Not friendliness.
Not niceness.

Safety.

You don’t push.
You don’t pry.
You don’t rush people emotionally.

You’re calm. Present. Non-threatening.
And to others,
That feels rare.

So they open.

Not because you invited it.
But because you didn’t shut it down.

This isn’t empathy as kindness.
It’s empathy as containment.

You know how to stay steady when someone else is emotional.
How to listen without reacting.
How to hold space without escalating things.

That skill didn’t come from nowhere.

It came from environments where emotions had to be managed carefully.
Where listening was safer than speaking.
Where being the calm one kept things from getting worse.

So now your body does something most people can’t.

It gives permission.

People feel unjudged.
Unrushed.
Unthreatened.

They sense they won’t be dismissed or corrected.
They sense their feelings won’t be used against them.

And they talk.

The part no one warns you about is the cost.

You become the container.
The holding place.
The unspoken therapist - without training, consent, or rest.

And because you’re attuned, you don’t just hear the words.
You absorb the emotional residue underneath them.

That’s why you’re exhausted after “nothing happened.”
That’s why you need alone time after ordinary conversations.
That’s why your body feels heavy.

They released something.
You held it.

Understanding this changes everything.
You’re not responsible for anyone’s healing.
You’re not meant to carry what was never yours.

Your gift is attunement.
But attunement without boundaries turns into depletion.

Healing here isn’t about closing your heart.
That would damage something essential.

It’s about recognising that your presence is powerful. And power needs limits.

You’re allowed to redirect.
You’re allowed to step back.
You’re allowed to stop holding what you didn’t agree to carry.

Being safe does not mean being available to everyone.

You were never meant to hold everyone else’s unspoken weight.

You were meant to choose
when your depth is shared
and when it belongs
to you.

The Self
Art: Moebius

The ones who carry the strongest light are rarely placed in comfort. They are thrown into silence, into loss, into moments where hope feels like a distant myth. Not as punishment, but as preparation. Darkness is the forge where weak intentions fall apart and true strength is revealed. What survives there is not just courage, but wisdom, restraint, and an unshakable sense of purpose.

Those who walk through the shadows and still choose kindness, still choose faith, still rise without bitterness become something rare. They do not glow loudly. They become torches for others who are lost. And when they finally stand in the light, it is not to be saved, but to lead. Because only those who have conquered the night within themselves are trusted with the dawn.

—- Chamod Senevirathne

If trauma made you wiser, was it a blessing or a curse?

A curse. Wisdom gained from harm is still harm.
Calling it a blessing is sentimental self-deception.

But without that pain, you'd know less.
Knowledge without cost is fantasy.

Cost doesn't sanctify the damage.
A poisoned gift is still poison…
even if you build a philosophy around
surviving it.

You reduce trauma to injury, but experience
is currency. Some truths can't be bought gently.

Truth as the price of innocence isn't a fair trade.
Nietzsche learned from suffering, yet never praised
the blow that struck him.

Still, trauma breaks illusions faster than education.
It forces the mind into realism… no teacher is sharper.

Realism without hope is just cynicism. Wisdom that kills
tenderness is a disfigured kind of growth.

The maybe the tragedy isn't the trauma...it's the refusal
to use suffering as raw material.

Utilitarian optimism. Not all wounds are instructive -
some simply shatter. Camus warned that absurdity
offers no guarantees.

Yet the shatterd still rebuild. Kintsugi doesn't
deny the break... it glorifies the transformation.

That methapor flatters survivors. Most scars don't
become art.. they become armor.

Armor is still wisdom. Protection learned from betrayal
is still knowledge earned.

The call it what it is - a curse that teaches.
But teaching doesn't absolve the curse.

Mirsphere

Authenticity is the highest
frequency you can embody
because it aligns youw with
the vibration of your soul.

When you are authentic, you
are no longer fragmented or
performing for approval. You
are whole, complete, and in
alignment with your own
unique and divine truth.

Being authentic is not about
trying to be "good," "nice,"
or socially acceptable. It is not
about meeting expectations
or maintaining an image.

Authenticity is about being real
and honest. It is about honoring
your inner truth and allowing
your natural expression to exist
without apology or condition.

When you are authentic, you are
no longer striving for perfection
through constant overthinking.
You no longer need approval
and you don't fear rejection.

Being authentic means your
sense of safety and worth no
longer comes from the external
world or the opinions of others.

You choose honesty over self-
image or self-importance, and
stand firmly in embodiment
even when others cannot
understand your truth.

You remain anchored in yourself,
rooted in your truth, and at peace
with being seen exactly as you are
because you love and support
yourself unconditionally.

This is why the most authentic people
are naturally attractive and deeply magnetic.
It is also why they are more often than not misunderstood,
rejected, or resisted by many.

They understand they're not meant to attract everyone, so they
don't chase or perform to be accepted.
They operate from the soul, speak with conviction, and naturally
draw in those who resonate at the same frequency.

They do not fear rejection or abandonment because their self-
worth is internal. It is not sourced from the external world.

Project 369

Never trust a woman who does this, I don't care how much she likes you I don't care how much you guys get along. The moment she does this it's done.
Because this is the most disrespectful thing, never trust a woman that just disappears with no explantion, that just ghosts you. And I'm gonna tell you why, because the reason goes a lot deeper than you think. The woman that goes ghost doesn't respect you. I don't care how difficult life gets.
I don't care how interested or uninterested they are in you, it is human decency to let another person know what's going on. But here's the mistake most men make and you're probably making the same mistake, listen closely the mistake is you are too forgiving.

“Beautiful things grow out of shit. Nobody ever believes that. Everyone thinks that Beethoven had his string quartets completely in his head—they somehow appeared there and formed in his head—and all he had to do was write them down and they would be manifest to the world. But what I think is so interesting, and would really be a lesson that everybody should learn, is that things come out of nothing. Things evolve out of nothing. You know, the tiniest seed in the right situation turns into the most beautiful forest. And then the most promising seed in the wrong situation turns into nothing. I think this would be important for people to understand, because it gives people confidence in their own lives to know that’s how things work.
“If you walk around with the idea that there are some people who are so gifted—they have these wonderful things in their head but you’re not one of them, you’re just sort of a normal person, you could never do anything like that—then you live a different kind of life. You could have another kind of life where you could say, well, I know that things come from nothing very much, start from unpromising beginnings, and I’m an unpromising beginning, and I could start something.”

Brian Eno

Here Is What Is
Walk around believing that it’s going to happen for you.

The Alchemist realizes that he himself is the Philosopher's Stone, and that this stone becomes like a diamond when salt and sulfur, or spirit and body, are united through mercury, the bond of the mind.

Man is the embodied principle of the mind, just as the animal is that of emotion.

He stands with one foot in heaven and the other on earth. His higher self rises to the “celestial” spheres, but the lower man ties him to matter. Now the philosopher, in building its sacred stone, it does so by harmonizing its spirit and its body. The result is the Philosopher's Stone. The harsh blows of life gradually peel and carve it until it reflects light from a million different angles.

— Manly P. Hall (The Initiates of the Flame).

“Self-education is the only kind of education there is.” ~Isaac Asimov

Constantly remind yourself of how little you truly know and of how mysterious the world remains.

Cultivate curiosity like a cat with nine lives. Ask deep questions. Then go even deeper until the abyss is snarling in your face. Then double down. Don’t blink. For there is no end. There are only deeper questions to be asked, and even deeper curiosity with which to light infinitesimal beacons through the darkness.

Practice self-apprenticeship. Create your own momentum. Ninjaneer your own scaffolding. Self-inquire. Self-interrogate. Self-overcome. Mastery will keep you focused on what you can control rather than vainly trying to control others.

Above all, do not allow Curiosity to die on Dogma’s executioner’s block. Be willing to unlearn what you have learned in order to connect what seems disconnected.

Gary Z McGee Art: Room with this view - Waveloop