A partner sees us without
any masks on, late at night,
first thing in the morning,
in the moods we would never
show anyone else.
Because of this closeness,
they often notice things
about us we can no longer
see ourselves, both what
is endearing and what is
genuinely difficult.
In practice most of us walk
away from relationships
with our illusions mostly
intact. Pride makes it hard
to forgive someone for
seeing us this clearly.
We have absorbed a myth
that true love means never
wanting to change anyone.
Leaving someone because
they were trying to change
us get treated as brave.
But to be truly kind
we must not leave a person
alone with their blind spots.
We should help them see
themselves more clearly,
with real care rather
than force.
The fault is not only in
how we receive feedback.
We tend to deliver it badly
too, in anger, at the worst
possible moment.
Truths said in anger
can be entirely accurtate
and still land as an attack.
Nobody learns anything
meaningful about themselves
while being humiliated.
Most relationships fail
for the same reason, the
self-knowlegde on offer was
either too hard to accept,
or delivered in a way that
made it impossible to hear.
theschooloflifelondon
art: Love - Rebeca Fleur
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