Every adult you see is just an eight year old
in a big body. Because nobody actually knows
how to be emotionally mature, because it's not
something you're born with, it's a skill that
you have to want to learn and that you have to
practice.
And none of our parents knew how to do it.
So you didn't get it in your childhood,
I don't care how calm and stoic you may be,
learning how to recognize your emotions and
actually feel them, and then understand how
to process them a calm manner without like again,
taking it out on other people, that is a superpower.

I didn't learn how to do this until I was 54.

Who wants to do that when I can just point fingers
and talk sh*t about people?

You can. And then you're going to die of a heart
attack because you're chronically stressed out,
and you're going to feel powerless in a world
where you actually have a lot of power, and you're
going to miss out on a lot of your life because
you have put all the power over there, which is
why it's pissing you off and why you're frustrated.

And so I think that this has, in terms of the emotional
immaturity, looking at somebody that's eight years old,
especially somebody that has like very challenging behavior,
what happens is you don't fear people.
You actually feel a level of compassion for them.

Like if you look at somebody who is passive aggressive,
that's a child who pouts. If you look at somebody in
your family that gives you the silent treatment, which
is very common in our parents' generation, you just
stop talking, you punish the person by removing yourself,
and then two days later, you pretend like nothing ever
happend. Highly emotionally destructive, like behavior
to a child in particular.

But if you have an adult in your life that ghosts you,
or that gives you the silent treatment, that is punishing
you because they can't have a conversation that's a little
difficult, or they're having emotions like disappointment
or anger or frustration, and they have to punish you,
that's an eight year old. That's an eight year old who pouts
because an eight year old that goes in the corner and pouts
what are they doing? They're overwhelmed with their emotion,
so they go away, hoping the adult comes over to soothe them.

That's exactly what adults do. And you get to choose.
So you're going to Let Them because you're not a parent
to another adult. It's not your job to manage somebody's
else's emotions. You Let Them do what they're going to do
and recognize, okay that's a person that's eight years old
and only they can do the work to learn a different way
to cope with their emotions.

And now Let Me choose how do I want to respond to this?
Am I going to spend a little less time with this person?
Am I going to go over and choose to soothe them because
I know this person's story? And I'm just want to facilitate
something here?

But you get to choose, you don't have to be the victim
of their behavior.

Mel Robbins
Art: Moebius