Emotionally immature people can't hear you
because hearing you would require them to
tolerate discomfort. To feel guilt, shame,
and the possibility that they got something wrong.

But emotionally immature people expercience feedback
as an attack on who they are, rather than information
about what happend.

So instead of becoming curious, they become defensive.
They explain. They justify. They minimise. They turn
the conversation back onto you.

Not because they're trying to hurt you. But because
protecting themselves from painful feelings has become
more important than understanding yours.

This is why explaining your pain over and over leaves
you feeling unseen and exhausted. Empathy requires
self-awareness. Someone can only acknowledge in you
what they are able to acknowledge in themselves.

Not every conflict is a communication problem.
Sometimes it's a capacity problem. And no amount
of explaining can make someone emotionally available
for feelings they've spent a lifetime learning to avoid.

francesapsychology