The fall of a projection isn't just
a painful loss.
It's the moment you realize how
much you were relying on them
to hold something for you.

When a projection collapses, what is often lost
is not just the idealized external individual.
It is also a psychic function that the individual
carried in your place.
That might be emotional regulation, self-worth,
direction, stability, moral or spiritual authority.
When the illusion is interrupted by their human
imperfection, the projection falls.
The pain of disappointment is real - and so is
the realization because they can no longer carry
what you needed them to carry.

When a projection sudden collapses ( in the event
of a breakup or rupture, for example )
the psyche removes that external support, leaving
you with a task: internalizing the function.

This is why the experience is often felt as
violent or disorganizing.
Because what sustained your internal equilibrium
disappears all at once.

What you idealized in the other person...
was often something your psyche was seeking,
but hadn't yet fully honed.
And when the projection disappears, there is
no longer any intermediary.
You're left with the need underneath, having
to hold it on your own, without yet knowing
how.

@womenofdepthpsychology